He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
