if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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