smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
