I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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