Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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