I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drake has all the answers
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
