: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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