Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i'm inner monologue high
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
