sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
