we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
