she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
