did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
