so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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