she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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