He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
