so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
