oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boobs speak an international language.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
