We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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