If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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