i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
