found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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