Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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