moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
