Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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