his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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