Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
