I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
