After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize