I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
