my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Four minutes until I can fart!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
