Porn is love you can see.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
