it wasn't lemon gatorade
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
