apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
