the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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