this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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