I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
