I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
