so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
