So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
