I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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