I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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