She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
