Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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