i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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