Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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