you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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