I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
