well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
