Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
