So drunk its hurt
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is the high leading the old right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
