she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
