I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
