I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
