It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
