and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
