Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
