I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
