You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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