So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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