Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mom said you looked used
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
