i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
