I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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