I just gift wrapped bread.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
