Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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