im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
