He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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