Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
