I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
