Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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