ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
