hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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