so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
