zippers are such a cool invention
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
