u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
