lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
