Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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