I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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