I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
