I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
