just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
