He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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